Clyde
The saga of Clyde, a koala with chlamydia who refuses to accept responsibility for his actions. Set to Irish folk music - tin whistles and fiddles sco
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The saga of Clyde, a koala with chlamydia who refuses to accept responsibility for his actions. Set to Irish folk music - tin whistles and fiddles scoring koala degeneracy.
Koalas actually have a massive chlamydia epidemic in Australia. It’s a real wildlife crisis played here for dark comedy. The Irish folk genre choice is intentionally absurd - drinking songs and ballads about a degenerate marsupial who sleeps 20 hours a day and spreads disease through the eucalyptus groves.
The album follows Clyde from introduction through his lifestyle, confrontation, diagnosis, fallout, and his final unrepentant statement. He never learns. He never apologizes. He still doesn’t see what he did wrong.
Structure:
Documentary-style narrative with mixed POV:
- Narrator tracks: Third-person storytelling, setting scenes, documenting the spread
- Clyde tracks: First-person defense, justifications, delusion
The arc moves from introduction → lifestyle → consequences → denial, but there’s no redemption. The title track closes with Clyde still insisting everyone’s barking up the wrong tree.
Themes:
- Refusal to accept responsibility
- Delusion and self-justification
- The gap between self-image and reality
- Absurdist comedy rooted in real wildlife crisis
- “Victimless crime” mentality
// Tracklist
The Ballad of Clyde
Come gather round and I’ll tell you a tale Of a koala named Clyde from the Eucalyptus Vale He’d sleep twenty hours in his fork of the tree And wake with a hunger that wasn’t for leaves
Now Clyde was a charmer, or so he believed With fur soft as velvet and eyes that deceived The does in the grove, well they’d heard his name spoken A trail of regrets and some promises broken
Oh Clyde, oh Clyde, what have you done? Your night’s just beginning, theirs is over and done You climb every branch, never counting the cost And the grove’s keeping score of the innocence lost
He’d waddle at dusk when the kookaburras called From tree unto tree, never minding the fall “I’m just being friendly,” he’d say with a grin But everyone knew where that friendliness had been
Oh Clyde, oh Clyde, what have you done? Your night’s just beginning, theirs is over and done You climb every branch, never counting the cost And the grove’s keeping score of the innocence lost
Some say he’s a villain, some say he’s just sick Some say he’s the reason the population’s not thick But Clyde, he don’t listen to gossip or blame He just scratches his belly and does it again
So here is the ballad of Clyde the koala A lover, a sleeper, a eucalyptus scholar And if there’s a moral, well, time’s gonna tell But for now pour a drink and we’ll wish him… well
A Simple Life
I wake around sunset, I stretch and I yawn I munch on some gum leaves until they’re all gone I look for some company under the stars Is that such a crime? Am I raising the bar?
It’s a simple life, that’s all that I need A branch and a belly full of eucalyptus leaves A doe who’s agreeable, a warm summer night I’m just a koala, I’m doing alright
They say I’ve got problems, they say I’m unwell They say that I’m spreading some kind of a spell But I’ve never forced anyone up in my tree If they climb on their own, how’s that down to me?
It’s a simple life, that’s all that I need A branch and a belly full of eucalyptus leaves A doe who’s agreeable, a warm summer night I’m just a koala, I’m doing alright
I sleep twenty hours, I don’t ask for much I’m not hurting anyone, just keeping in touch The grove’s full of gossip, the grove’s full of spite But I close my eyes and I sleep through the night
So what if I’ve visited most of the grove? So what if my reputation’s been wove Into something much bigger than one koala’s deeds? I’m just doing what every koala needs
It’s a simple life, that’s all that I need A branch and a belly full of eucalyptus leaves A doe who’s agreeable, a warm summer night I’m just a koala, I’m doing alright
I’m just a koala I’m doing alright
Sheila
I saw her one evening, up high in the gum The prettiest koala I’d seen, bar none Her eyes caught the moonlight, her fur caught the breeze She was munching so gently on eucalyptus leaves
I climbed up beside her, I offered a smile She looked at me sideways, suspicious a while But I’ve got a way and I’ve got a charm And soon enough Sheila was there in my arms
Oh Sheila, oh Sheila, that night in the tree When everything felt like it’s meant to be The stars and the silence, your warmth on my chest Of all of my memories, you were the best
We talked until sunrise, we shared a few leaves She laughed at my jokes, put my heart at ease And when morning came and she climbed away I knew that I’d think of her every day
Oh Sheila, oh Sheila, that night in the tree When everything felt like it’s meant to be The stars and the silence, your warmth on my chest Of all of my memories, you were the best
Now some say I’ve hurt her, some say I did wrong But love doesn’t last and the night’s never long I gave her a moment she’ll never forget And that’s more than most koalas get
Oh Sheila, oh Sheila Wherever you are I hope you remember That night and that star
Every Branch
From the eastern ridge to the western creek Clyde’s been busy every single week Monday it was Mary in the tallest tree Tuesday Tara joined him for some company
Every branch, every tree, every fork in the wood Clyde’s been there and the news isn’t good He’s covered more ground than the bushfire’s flame And everywhere he goes, well, it ends the same
Wednesday brought him Wendy by the waterhole Thursday Thelma let him in from the cold Friday, well, on Friday he was feeling keen He visited the triplets in the grove of green
Every branch, every tree, every fork in the wood Clyde’s been there and the news isn’t good He’s covered more ground than the bushfire’s flame And everywhere he goes, well, it ends the same
The elders started counting back in twenty-ten They gave up at a hundred, then they started again There’s not a tree untouched, there’s not a doe unknown And Clyde just keeps on climbing like he’s carving out a throne
Now Brenda and Belinda and their cousin Bess The Johnson sisters, too, we must confess Even Old Maureen who swore she’d stay away Found Clyde up in her branches just the other day
Every branch, every tree, every fork in the wood Clyde’s been there and the news isn’t good He’s covered more ground than the bushfire’s flame And everywhere he goes, well, it ends the same
And everywhere he goes It ends the same
The Vet
The vet came through the valley with a clipboard and a frown Word had reached the city, they had sent somebody down She pointed at the data, at the charts and at the graphs Clyde just scratched his belly and he let out a laugh
“The numbers don’t lie, sir, the infection’s spreading wide Sixty percent now carry it, and koalas have died We’ve traced it to this valley, we’ve traced it to this tree And every single trail we followed led us back to thee”
It wasn’t me, I swear it, you’ve got the wrong koala I’m just a simple creature living quiet in this tree I sleep and eat my gum leaves, I keep myself to me You’ve come a long way, doctor, but you’re barking up the wrong tree
“We’ve got the testimonies, we’ve interviewed the does We’ve mapped out your movements and everywhere it goes The timeline is consistent, the evidence is clear The outbreak started spreading the same month you came here”
It wasn’t me, I swear it, you’ve got the wrong koala I’m just a simple creature living quiet in this tree I sleep and eat my gum leaves, I keep myself to me You’ve come a long way, doctor, but you’re barking up the wrong tree
The vet she shook her head and wrote some notes down on her pad The most delusional koala that she’d ever had She’d seen denial before but never quite this strong A creature so convinced that he had done nothing wrong
It wasn’t me It wasn’t me You’re barking up the wrong tree
The Results
The paper came back folded with a cross beside me name The vet she looked upon me like I was the one to blame “Clah-mid-ee-yuh,” she told me, and she said it loud and clear I sat frozen on me branch, pretending not to hear
Well now hold on just a moment, there’s been some mistake I’d say These tests they aren’t infallible, sure they can go astray I’ve never felt the sickness, never had a single sign Whatever’s on that paper, well it surely isn’t mine
Ah sure it can’t be true, it can’t be right There must be something wrong I’ve lived me life, I’ve done no harm I’ve just been getting on So tell me why this paper says What I know isn’t so Someone else must’ve passed it on to me A long, long time ago
And even if it’s real now, even if it’s true Then someone gave it first to me before I shared it too Sure I’m just a link upon the chain, a leaf upon the breeze The one who really started this is hiding in the trees
Ah sure it can’t be true, it can’t be right There must be something wrong I’ve lived me life, I’ve done no harm I’ve just been getting on So tell me why this paper says What I know isn’t so Someone else must’ve passed it on to me A long, long time ago
Ah, maybe it was Sheila Or maybe it was Sue Could’ve been young Mary Or Tara, or those two The point is that it came from somewhere Long before it came to me And aren’t I just as much a victim here As anyone can be
I’m just as much a victim As anyone can see
Word Gets Around
It started with a whisper in the eastern grove at dawn By noon it reached the valley and by dusk the word had gone From tree to tree the message passed, from branch to branch it flew “You hear about old Clyde then? Well, I heard it’s really true”
The mothers pulled their joeys close, the elders shook their heads The young ones who’d admired him now turned away instead The tree that once had visitors now stands alone and bare And Clyde looks out at nothing ‘cause there’s no one left to care
Word gets around, word gets around What goes up in the treetops comes crashing to the ground You can run but you can’t hide up in the eucalyptus trees When word gets around, it travels on the breeze
Old Sheila told her sisters and her sisters told the rest And Mary told the council that she’d failed her health test The Johnson girls are furious, Old Maureen’s fit to spit And everyone agrees on this: that Clyde is full of it
Word gets around, word gets around What goes up in the treetops comes crashing to the ground You can run but you can’t hide up in the eucalyptus trees When word gets around, it travels on the breeze
And Clyde sits in his gum tree, wondering what went wrong He was just being friendly, he was just getting on He can’t see why they’re angry, he can’t see why they’ve turned Some lessons take a lifetime and still never get learned
Word gets around Word gets around And Clyde still doesn’t see it But the whole grove knows now
Wrong Tree
So here’s the final chapter, here’s what I have to say They came with accusations, they came to make me pay They said I was the problem, they said I was to blame But I’ve been here the whole time and I’m still playing the same game
The grove has turned against me, they’ve crossed me off the list They say I am a villain but I really must insist I followed me instincts, I did what koalas do And if that makes me guilty, then half the grove is too
You’re barking up the wrong tree if you think I’ll hang me head You’re barking up the wrong tree if you want to see me dead I’ve lived me life, I’ve climbed me climb, I’ve been exactly me And if you’ve got a problem, well, you’re barking up the wrong tree
The vet she had her papers, the does they had their tears The elders had their meetings, their gossip, and their fears But Clyde has got his conscience and Clyde can sleep at night And in me eucalyptus dreams, I know that I was right
You’re barking up the wrong tree if you think I’ll hang me head You’re barking up the wrong tree if you want to see me dead I’ve lived me life, I’ve climbed me climb, I’ve been exactly me And if you’ve got a problem, well, you’re barking up the wrong tree
I’m not saying I’m perfect, I’m not saying I’m a saint I’m just saying the picture that you’re painting, well, it ain’t The whole truth and nothing but, there’s context you don’t see I’m a product of me nature and me nature is just me
You’re barking up the wrong tree if you think I’ll change me ways You’re barking up the wrong tree till the end of all me days I’ve slept me twenty hours, I’ve eaten all me leaves And I’ll die a simple koala with no regrets to grieve
No regrets to grieve No regrets at all You’re barking up the wrong tree You’re barking up the wrong tree