Shell No
A punk rock protest album from the perspective of turtles—creatures who can't speak for themselves. The album rages against the cultural myth of the T
// Concept
View Concept
A punk rock protest album from the perspective of turtles—creatures who can’t speak for themselves. The album rages against the cultural myth of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (“we’re not ninjas, we’re slow as hell and we’re dying”) while addressing the real existential threats turtles face: predation, plastic pollution, the pet trade, exploitation, and environmental destruction.
This is anti-establishment punk in the NOFX tradition: sardonic, sharp, and unafraid to mix dark humor with genuine outrage. The turtles aren’t heroes—they’re victims fighting to survive in a world that either ignores them or projects fantasies onto their shells.
Structure:
The album follows an arc from defiance to breaking point to retaliation:
- Opening Defiance - “Shell No” sets the tone with a refusal to be silent
- The Gauntlet - Five tracks of escalating abuse: birth massacre, abandonment, exploitation, environmental destruction
- Breaking Point - “Shell Shocked” captures the psychological toll
- Cultural Rage - “Cowabunga This” tears down the ninja turtle myth
- Violent Closure - “Snap” ends on retaliation, not defeat—the turtle that finally bites back
Themes:
- Voicelessness and marginalization
- Cultural misrepresentation (TMNT myth vs. reality)
- Environmental destruction and plastic pollution
- Exploitation and abandonment (pet trade, racing)
- Existential trauma and survival
- Fighting back against impossible odds
// Tracklist
Shell NoE
You want us quiet? Shell no Two hundred million years Watching your shit show
You dammed our rivers Fucked up our creeks Then slapped a mask on us For your fucking TV
Shell no, we won’t shut up Shell no, we’ve had enough You filled the river with your bullshit and your lies Shell no, we’re not your heroes We’re just trying to survive
Can’t run, can’t hide Got a target on our back Too damn slow for a world That don’t give a crap
You want a mascot? Go fuck yourself We’re done staying silent We’re fighting for ourselves
Shell no, we won’t shut up Shell no, we’ve had enough You filled the river with your bullshit and your lies Shell no, we’re not your heroes We’re just trying to survive
Not teenage! Not mutant! Not ninja! Not a fucking joke! Just ancient, endangered And ready to make you choke
Shell no, we won’t shut up Shell no, we’ve had enough You filled the river with your bullshit and your lies Shell no, we’re not your heroes Shell no, we’re not your goddamn ninjas We’re just trying to survive
Shell no! Shell no! Shell no! Shell no!
T-DayE
Born into a graveyard Shells cracking in the dirt Fifty eggs, fifty targets Nobody gives a fuck if we get hurt
Sun comes up like napalm Burning on our backs Seagulls smell the slaughter Moving in to attack
Crawl you little bastards Crawl through your brothers’ guts The birds don’t give a warning They just rip your belly up Tee-Day, Tee-Day Screaming on the sand Tee-Day, Tee-Day Dying where we stand
Watched my brother’s head come off Beak went through his spine Kept on fucking crawling Pretending he wasn’t mine
Thirty feet to the water Thirty feet through hell Step over the twitching bodies Can’t stop to say farewell
Crawl you little bastards Crawl through your brothers’ guts The birds don’t give a warning They just rip your belly up Tee-Day, Tee-Day Screaming on the sand Tee-Day, Tee-Day Dying where we stand
I can’t feel my legs! Leave him! Mama never came! There is no fucking rescue Just blood and sun and pain
Crawl you little bastards Crawl through your brothers’ guts The birds don’t give a warning They just rip your belly up Tee-Day, Tee-Day Screaming on the sand Tee-Day, Tee-Day Dying where we stand
I made it to the water The only one alive Dragging guilt behind me Is this what they call survive?
Starter PetE
You saw me in the window Five bucks, impulse buy Told your kid I’d be easy Didn’t even Google how long I’d survive
Tank turned green with algae Kid got bored by June Flushed me down the toilet Just another afternoon
Starter pet, starter pet Buy me, forget me, throw me out Starter pet, starter pet You don’t know what life’s about I’m not a fucking toy I’m not a phase You got bored and flushed me Down your shit-stained drain
Now I’m in the river With a hundred just like me Every one abandoned By some fucking family
Hundred fucking years That’s how long I liv You couldn’t give me six months You had nothing left to give
Starter pet, starter pet Buy me, forget me, throw me out Starter pet, starter pet You don’t know what life’s about I’m not a fucking toy I’m not a phase You got bored and flushed me Down your shit-stained drain
Ten dollar tank! Fifteen dollar life! Six month commitment! Then you toss me out like garbage ‘Cause I’m not worth the fight
Starter pet, starter pet Buy me, forget me, throw me out Starter pet, starter pet You don’t know what life’s about I’m not a fucking toy I’m not a phase You got bored and flushed me Down your shit-stained drain
I’ll outlive your marriage I’ll outlive your kid I’ll be in that river Long after you’re dead
Crossing OverE
Used to be a forest Used to be my home Now it’s four lanes of asphalt And I’m dying all alone
Gotta get to water Gotta find a mate But there’s a hundred cars between us And they’re not gonna wait
Crossing over, crossing over Sixty miles an hour, I move six feet a day Crossing over, crossing over One lane down, three more to pray They don’t even see me They don’t even slow Just another bump beneath the tires Another shell below
Some of them swerve around me Most just don’t give a shit But there’s a special kind of asshole Who aims just to hit
I can hear them laughing As they crush my fucking spine Left me twitching in the sun On that yellow center line
Crossing over, crossing over Sixty miles an hour, I move six feet a day Crossing over, crossing over One lane down, three more to pray They don’t even see me They don’t even slow Just another bump beneath the tires Another shell below
Almost there! Keep moving! I can see the pond! Then the shadow comes And everything goes wrong Headlights in the darkness Didn’t stand a chance You paved my fucking world Left twitching where I stand
Crossing over, crossing over Sixty miles an hour, I move six feet a day Crossing over, crossing over One lane down, three more to pray They don’t even see me They don’t even slow Just another bump beneath the tires Another shell below
You built your roads through my home Didn’t ask, didn’t care Now I’m crossing over To the other side of nowhere
Six Pack ChokerE
Thanks for the necklace You tossed it from your truck Finished your beer in five minutes Now I’m permanently fucked
Plastic wrapped around my throat Getting tighter every day You cracked another cold one While I’m choking miles away
Six pack choker, six pack choker Your trash around my neck Six pack choker, six pack choker Watch me slowly fucking wreck You’ll forget it by tomorrow I’ll be wearing it for years Your five-minute convenience Is my lifetime of tears
My shell is growing twisted Bent around your garbage ring Spine is fucking crooked Can’t eat, can’t breathe, can’t do a thing
Couldn’t reach it, couldn’t break it Plastic’s stronger than my life You didn’t even cut it Just tossed it like it’s nothing, right?
Six pack choker, six pack choker Your trash around my neck Six pack choker, six pack choker Watch me slowly fucking wreck You’ll forget it by tomorrow I’ll be wearing it for years Your five-minute convenience Is my lifetime of tears
Just cut the rings! Takes two seconds! But you didn’t! Too busy, too lazy Couldn’t be bothered to care Now I’m a twisted fucking freak show Gasping for air
Six pack choker, six pack choker Your trash around my neck Six pack choker, six pack choker Watch me slowly fucking wreck You’ll forget it by tomorrow I’ll be wearing it for years Your five-minute convenience Is my lifetime of tears
Your plastic lives forever I won’t make it through the year Thanks for the fucking necklace Wish you were here
Straw ManE
Thanks for banning straws You really saved the day I’m still wrapped in fishing nets But hey, you tried, okay?
Point oh three percent That’s what straws amount to But you got your headline And that’s what counts to you
Straw man, straw man Thanks for nothing, take a bow Straw man, straw man Feel so good about yourselves now? You banned the little plastic Patted yourselves on the back I’m still choking on your bullshit But thanks for the fucking act
Fishing nets? Too hard to touch Corporate donors, way too much In-dus-tree-ul waste? Not today So you took the easy way
Here’s your paper straw that melts Does it make you feel just great? Post it on your Instagram While I suffocate
Straw man, straw man Thanks for nothing, take a bow Straw man, straw man Feel so good about yourselves now? You banned the little plastic Patted yourselves on the back I’m still choking on your bullshit But thanks for the fucking act
Forty percent is fishing gear! But that won’t trend! Can’t hashtag that! So you threw me a straw ban Called it a win The nets are still killing us But you don’t give a shit
Straw man, straw man Thanks for nothing, take a bow Straw man, straw man Feel so good about yourselves now? You banned the little plastic Patted yourselves on the back I’m still choking on your bullshit But thanks for the fucking act
Thanks for your concern It really means a lot Here’s a biodegradable fuck you From a turtle left to rot
Shell ShockedE
Every shadow is a hawk Every sound could be a car Can’t remember how to walk Without checking for a scar
Close my eyes, I see the beach Brothers snatched up from the sand Safety’s always out of reach Death tomorrow, that’s the plan
Shell shocked, shell shocked Can’t turn off my brain Shell shocked, shell shocked Living with the pain Every day’s a death march Every breath might be my last I’m a walking piece of trauma Can’t escape my fucking past
Flinch at every passing truck Plastic ghosts around my neck Born unlucky, staying stuck Nothing but a nervous wreck
Used to dream of quiet days Now I just survive till dawn World’s a maze of killing ways Don’t know how I’m still holding on
Shell shocked, shell shocked Can’t turn off my brain Shell shocked, shell shocked Living with the pain Every day’s a death march Every breath might be my last I’m a walking piece of trauma Can’t escape my fucking past
They took my brother from the sand! Talons grabbed him, gone! Too fast to understand! And I’m the only fucking one Watched them take my whole family One by one up from the beach I’m the only one who made it And peace is out of reach
Shell shocked, shell shocked Can’t turn off my brain Shell shocked, shell shocked Living with the pain Every day’s a death march Every breath might be my last I’m a walking piece of trauma Can’t escape my fucking past
This shell was built to keep me safe But it can’t protect my mind I’m a prisoner of my memories Of everyone I left behind
Cowabunga ThisE
You saw it on the TV Thought we’d be just like that Bought me at the pet store Now I’m just your welcome mat
Not teenage, we’re a hundred Not mutant, going extinct Not ninja, slow as shit Not what you fucking think
Cowabunga this! I’m not what you expect Cowabunga this! Give me some respect The cartoon’s not the problem It’s what you did with it You wanted a hero And left me in a pit
Kid gets me for his birthday Saw the movies, got excited Two weeks later I’m forgotten Tank dirty, never lighted
“Do a kick!” Too slow to kick “Speak!” I have no voice You bought into a fantasy Then abandonment’s your choice
Cowabunga this! I’m not what you expect Cowabunga this! Give me some respect The cartoon’s not the problem It’s what you did with it You wanted a hero And left me in a pit
Teenage? Hundred fucking years! Mutant? We’re endangered, assholes! Ninja? Six feet in a day! The show’s not to blame You’re the ones who walked away Projected all your fantasies And when I couldn’t play You tossed me like I’m garbage What else is there to say?
Cowabunga this! I’m not what you expect Cowabunga this! Give me some respect The cartoon’s not the problem It’s what you did with it You wanted a hero And left me in a pit
Leonardo’s not the problem Donatello’s not to blame I’m dying ‘cause you thought I’d be A hero with a name
SnapE
I’m not like the others I don’t run and hide Poke me with a stick And something’s gonna die
Shell’s too small to hide in Just jaws that never quit Sixty pounds of pressure And I don’t give a shit
Snap! That’s my only word Snap! Bet you fucking heard Push me one more time See what happens next I’m the turtle that bites back And you’re about to get wrecked
You think we’re all the same Slow and soft and weak Kicked us, mocked us, left us dead Now hear my fucking beak
I’ve watched my kind get slaughtered Roadkill, pets, and prey You wanted one more victim? Not today, not today
Snap! That’s my only word Snap! Bet you fucking heard Push me one more time See what happens next I’m the turtle that bites back And you’re about to get wrecked
Come a little closer! Stick your finger in! I dare you, motherfucker! Let’s see who’s gonna win You thought we had no voice? You thought we couldn’t fight? Well here’s my fucking answer And it’s gonna leave a bite
Snap! That’s my only word Snap! Bet you fucking heard Push me one more time See what happens next I’m the turtle that bites back And you’re about to get wrecked
Every turtle on this album Couldn’t say a thing But I don’t need a voice When my jaws are what I bring So this one’s for my brothers And the sisters that we lost You fucked with the wrong turtle Now you’re paying the cost